Hey y'all.....

Firstly, if this blog doesn't make a word of sense apologies. My laptop has died a little and split into 8 mini screens so I can't actually see what I'm typing...Something to do with the ‘motherboard' apparently, which to me sounds like something out of Star Trek but that's beside the point....I'm in America!!!!!!!

Yes I have arrived safe and well in Des Moines and already I am loving the place. Apart from the 85% humidity. My hair is doing a Monica. Oooft.

The journey here has been a fairly hassle free and enjoyable one. On Sunday I caught the train from Glasgow to London Euston and my hopes of being sat next to a hot single guy were dashed pretty quickly. Instead I got a middle-aged overweight Ricky Gervais look-a-like with with possibly the biggest side shed I have ever seen in my life, thick beard, QUILTED JACKET, and some horrific boating shoes. His Mum came to drop him off too. Bless. Unsurprisingly we didn't really hit it off!

My black cab driver in London, too, was quite a character. His preferred route: The pavement! Yes rather than wait in queues like most normal folk he instead decided to mount the pavement, drive past the jam then conveniently join the road again in front of everyone. Matters probably got worse too when I didn't tip him. I'm sorry mate but you just did your job (and lets face it not very well!) and it was already ridiculously expensive. The Aberdonian in me is refusing to part with any more money than I need to. I didn't actually have the balls to tell him that, I think me being all cheery and chatty had pissed him off enough as it was!

So after that long day I got into bed at 11pm then had to rise at 4am in order to catch my flight to Chicago which really was the most uneventful flight. We boarded on time, left on time and arrived early with some munching, sleeping and reading thrown in too. Rock on.

Chicago airport didn't provide any hassle, apart from one very large obstacle I had to overcome. The Toilets. I swear to god these are most complicated things in the world and I must have spent almost 10mins in there attempting to get the things to flush. America being America they have invented toilets which are completely run by sensors so you don't actually have to do anything. First you had to activate a sensor to tell the toilet you were there, as you do, then swipe another so that it would cover the seat with a plastic seat. Then the instructions ran out and my nightmare began. How did you flush the toilet?? There was nothing there...I stood for a few moments hoping that something might happen. Still nothing. Had a not peed enough? Had I missed a sensor somewhere? Did it purposely want to embarrass me by making me go out and have to tell the next person that I was so incompetent I couldn't even flush the toilet? (Incompetent not incontinent, big difference). So I decided to sit down again but this activated the plastic cover sensor and the thing started to try change it while I was still there, got a little jammed then eventually succeeded. Still no fluching. For god knows how many more painful hopeless minutes I tried everything I could and just as I stood back and accepted defeat it flushed. Just like that. All too ridiculous and hilarious : )

Anyways....my connecting flight went smoothly and my coach and I arrived absolutely shattered at our apartments in West Des Moines. The rest of day entailed trying to stay awake for as long as possible. You want to know how desperate it got? I began watching WWF. I was so desperate to find something to distract me form my bed I watched WWF. Tragic.

Anyways I could write for hours more but think I'll stop now before I confess to anything else aside from breaking toilets and watching WWF. I'll try update this every day form now on, so remember to keep checking in.

Thanks for reading : )  Hope the jet lag hasn't made me write complete mince. I think I might have haha.

xXx